So, you’ve decided to become a Theater Arts or Film major in college. Your attitude is serious, but that hardly over-masks your super sensitivity thanks to all of the jocks in High School forcing motor oil down your throat to keep your big mouth shut. Now, you’re gonna be something and Hollywood is going to take your next production/movie to heart. After smoking ten bongs and waking up with a Miller Light can in one hand and the broken condom conveniently left in the other hand by the emo bitch you screwed last night without even knowing her name, you have a brilliant flash of light strike your pseudo-intellectual head (after all, the first one’s always the best, isn’t it?). Before you write your story about two gay cowboys eating pudding and discovering their sexuality with their own horses, you decide to go out and karaoke in celebration of your profound genius. so, what songs do you go for there, O master of future backdoor studios production? You sing shitty songs sung by AIDS ridden people from the abomination known as Rent.
This isn’t going to be a thorough review since this is not what this blog is intended for, so if you’re looking for in depth analysis or synopsis, go to IMDB or some other sucker site. If you want a good down to Earth honest opinion, keep reading. Music and movie buffs, beware. Your attention is better spent on masterpieces such as The Sting, The French Connection, Network, Scarface, The Godfather, you get the drift. Yeah, only pre-90s movies were mentioned, and for a good reason. Any movie made after 2001 SUCKS. Rent was made in 2005, SURPRISE ASSHOLES! Yet, much like the devoted fantards of Squaresoft’s means to an end game, Final Fantasy VII, many loyal and devoted fantards cling to this movie much like flies would to fresh turd (read the comments, you’ll catch my drift). Such is the “musical.” Rent.
The “urban rock opera,” if you must call it that (it’s just a musical, stop trying to pimp it like it’s R Kelly’s “urban opera”) deals with eight crack addicted, AIDS carrying Bohemian babies who are struggling, at their own faults since they have AIDS and smoke crack, in a modern East New York setting. I say setting because it’s a movie, not real life. Just had to make sure everyone knew that. Movies aren’t real, they’re make believe. Moving on, the two babies the movie focuses on, Mark and Roger, who have all of these wonderful HIV and AIDS inflicted friends and lovers, apparently don’t want to pay rent. So, basically, you shoot up some drugs, fuck around, fuck around some more, sing some shitty songs such as “Out tonight” that dear little HIV ridden Mimi Marquez sings while dancing on stage like some S&M wannabe…yeah, let’s go out tonight…I hear there is a clinic up the road that runs ELISA tests (look it up on Google, stupid).
So, wait a minute…you’re telling me that people who have caused their own struggles thanks to drugs, sex, and terrible singing throughout New York makes this movie beautiful, amazing, wonderful, etc? So, to be beautiful, I just need to go to the city’s drug streets, score some rock, cook it, shoot it, then find a hooker, fuck her, fall in love, be dramatic about her not returning it, become disease ridden, and I will be too? Give me a BREAK.
A move selling itself on a condition is fine, take Philadelphia, for example. I’m not big on struggles with diseases and all, but that at least sent the message. This is a musical about people who did themselves in by (loosely speaking) committing cardinal sins in society and they SING!
How about we turn Tombstone into a musical? Let’s dance around and sing, Doc Holiday! As I stab a man over the poker table:
What’s thissssss? I have stabbbbbedd a mannnnnnnn? Put the poker chips into the bagggggg! Ready the horses, as this man bleeeeddsss! Ugh, it’s terrible…
Still not convinced to never see it because you think I am being completely desensitizing to AIDS? Let’s look past the sex and drugs and focus on the rock n’ roll. These people are singing about how they don’t want to pay their rent and how upset and horrible their lives are…yet, look closely…closer…closer…GAP ACCESSORIES ALL AROUND! LOOK AT THOSE STYLISH CLOTHES THEY HAVE! Gee, no wonder they can’t fucking pay the rent, they waste all their fucking money on GAP and Gucci product.
Overall, it’s pretentious, obnoxious, and only silly college kids, libtards, teens, and tweens really “see the magic” out of crap (which is why kids are not allowed to vote, thank the maker). You’re watching a self-centered, sophomoric world where no one pays for things when they don’t feel like it and the universal standard measurement of time is love when it’s simply absent-minded tripe and tomfoolery used for the over-emotional and weak minded.
TheAn0nym0usMan
